- Tunjukkan, tidak perlu bicara..
•Mengakui bahwa Anda adalah guru anak Anda pertama dan paling penting..
•Anak-anak belajar melalui pengamatan Anda dan kemudian meniru apa yang mereka lihat.
2. Buat hubungan dalam rumah berdasarkan kepercayaan dan keselamatan
•Kesalahan dan Konflik adalah peluang untuk pertumbuhan.
•Ajarkan anak Anda bagaimana menguasai berbagai macam emosi dan untuk mengelola konflik interpersonal (antar manusia).
3. Jaga kondisi“batin ” Anda terlebih dahulu sebelum Anda bertindak
•Gunakan kecerdasan emosional yang Anda miliki untuk menyadari bagaimana perasaan Anda dan mengapa.
•Sadarilah perilaku Anda sendiri daripada berkonsentrasi pada perilaku anak Anda.
4. Menerima bahwa anak-anak Anda bukanlah Anda
•Mereka adalah manusia dengan kekuatan dan kelemahan tidak hanya perpanjangan dari Anda.
• Menerima anak secara utuh, termasuk aspek yang paling sulit yaitu kepribadiannya.
•Ketika anak-anak Anda bertindak, seperti menantang atau berkelakuan buruk memahami bahwa perilaku ini terjadi karena anak-anak Anda tidak selalu mampu menerjemahkan perasaan dan pikiran dalam kata-kata yang tepat dan perilaku.
•Anak-anak bertindak karena mereka masih belajar kecerdasan emosi dasar.
•Adalah tanggung jawab kita untuk menerima mereka, untuk siapa mereka hadir di muka bumi dan menganggap mereka melakukan yang terbaik yang mereka bisa.
5. Beri contoh kepada anak2 bagaimana memahami sudut pandang orang lain
•Tunjukkan pada anak bahwa konflik adalah bagian normal dari hidup dengan orang lain dan bahwa mereka dapat diselesaikan.
Ajari anak Anda dengan contoh bagaimana Anda sendiri memahami suatu hal dari sudut pandang orang lain
6. Gunakan kekuasaan yang Anda miliki dengan hati-hati
•Bagaimana kita menggunakan kekuasaan kita menentukan seberapa baik anak-anak kita belajar keterampilan pengaturan diri dan empati.
• Sementara kita secara alami lebih kuat daripada anak-anak kita, kita dapat melatih kemandirian mereka dengan memberi mereka kesempatan untuk membuat pilihan sesuai usia dan keputusan.
- Ketika kita mendukung kemandirian mereka, kita mengajari mereka untuk menggunakan kekuatan pribadi mereka sendiri untuk pemecahan masalah dan kreativitas bukan untuk memanipulasi orang lain.
7. Manfaatkan setiap hari secara maksimal
•Anak-anak mengalami cinta kita melalui interaksi sehari-hari.
• Luangkan waktu bersama mereka bermain, membaca, berbicara, mendengarkan.Berbagi minat dan hobi Anda dengan mereka.
•Sertakan mereka bila mungkin dalam keputusan keluarga dan pekerjaan.
• Buat rutinitas keluarga dan ritual.
Kalau di postingan yang kemarin aku share tulisan untuk para suami, maka agar seimbang, kali ini aku share juga tulisan untuk para istri. Ini dia :
1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn’t want a man for his wife.
2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.
3. Smell good!
4. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.
5. Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”
6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta’ala gives you something really to complain about.
7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either:
a. Mediate any injustice done so any wrong can be corrected and the couple can reunite in harmony, or
b. Amicable divorce
8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.
9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights
10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him.
11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.
12. Compliment him on the things you know he’s not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem.
13. Tell him he’s the best husband ever.
14. Call his family often.
15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
16. When he’s talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you’re interested.
17. Encourage him to do good deeds.
18. If he’s in a bad mood, give him some space. He’ll get over it, inshaAllah.
19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It’s a big deal.
20. If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.
21. When you’re mad at him, don’t say “YOU make me furious”, rather, “This action makes me upset”. Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.
22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they’re good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn’t feel “cooped up” at home.
24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really.
26. Don’t get mad over small things. It’s not worth it.
27. Make jokes. If you’re not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him.
28. Tell him you’re the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you’re good at.
29. Learn to make his favorite dish.
30. Don’t ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband–and other people also think you have a bad husband.
31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you’re a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband.
32. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah put barakah in everything you do.
33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he’s your servant. “They are garment to each other” [Surah Baqarah, 2:187]
34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha (رضالله عنها) narrated that the Prophet used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like “a knot.” And the next time he would ask her, “How is that knot?” He also used to reply to her saying, “Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you.”
35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him.
36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook and housekeeper, inshaAllah you will not get FAT and frumpy.
37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don’t laugh or talk too loud or walk like an
38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.
39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp.
40. Don’t discuss important/controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion.
41. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the “dough”. It makes it easier for him to go to work.
43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner.
44. Brush your hair, everyday.
45. Don’t forget to do laundry.
46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts.
47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.)
48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies.
49. Try not to go shopping too much … and spend all his money.
51. Learn tricks and “techniques” to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.)
52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).
53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction.
54. If you not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don’t wait until matters become worse.
55. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan. Nothing works like du’ah, and love only exists between spouses where Allah instills it.
56. Don’t EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don’t say, “well her husband doesn’t do that, why do you …” (thats a killer!)
57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah together inshaAllah–and of course, vice versa!
58. Strive for Allah’s love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah’s love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember–if Allah loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you.
59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn’t take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel
60. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.
Kemarin aku nemu satu tulisan bagus, yang mirip sama tulisan Ashma binti Shameem dulu itu. Dan aku ingin share tulisan itu di sini. Jadi, hari ini aku copy paste kan di new post. Ini dia tulisannya, let’s check it out :
Allah(swt) has tested the people of the past in various ways and will keep on testing His creation. He has informed us about these tests in the Quran. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad(saw) also informed us that Allah(swt) will test us from time to time. Sometimes hardships and losses occur in life due to our sins. To wash of these sins in this world, Allah(swt) inflicts upon us these hardships:
Narrated By Aisha: Allah’s Apostle said, “No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn.” (Sahih Bukhari Vol. 7, Book 70, #544)
And again by a different narrator:
Narrated By Abu Said Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” (Sahih Bukhari Vol. 7, Book 70, #545)
Paying for sins in this world is much easier than paying in the Hereafter. It is a blessing in disguise which Allah(swt) bestows upon us and saves us from the payment of these sins in the Hereafter.
The Quran informs us what to do when we face these tests in our life and also tells us about the reward that we will receive if we are successful in dealing with the situation in the way we are expected to:
Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:-
They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. – [Quran 2:155-157]
We are to be patient during hard times and always remember that Allah(swt) is the Creator of everything and We all will return to Him. No deed is lost in front of Allah and we will be rewarded for even the minutest good that we ever did do. Trials afflicting us can be signs of His Love. It is narrated that Prophet Muhammad(saw) said:
Narrated By Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials.” (Sahih Bukhari Vol. 7, Book 70, #548)
Misfortune can bring a person towards the right path. It can make better Muslims out of people. Observing patience, remembering Allah(swt) and turning only to Him for help and guidance during such times, will help us attain Allah’s forgiveness and His rewards.
Allah(swt) tests man through various agencies, both through adversity and prosperity. A person with a luxurious life is tested to see how much he spends in the way of Allah(swt) and how much he is thankful to Allah(swt) for the blessings bestowed upon him. Another can be tested by the things he desires but does not and/or cannot possess. What do these people do is actually their test. Does the person deviate from the way of Allah(swt) to pursue the worldly gains?
Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial. To Us must ye return. [Quran 21:35]
The Quran reminds us that in periods of hardships, we are to remain patient, remember Allah, and protect ourselves from committing that which is declared unlawful by Allah(swt):
Ye shall certainly be tried and tested in your possessions and in your personal selves; and ye shall certainly Hear much that will grieve you, from those who received the Book before you and from those who worship many gods. But if ye persevere patiently, and guard against evil,-then that will be a determining factor in all affairs. – [Quran 3:186]
An important thing that we should always remember is that everyone is tested. If we declare that we are Muslims, that does not mean that we will not be tested in this world. The Quran is very clear on this issue:
Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, “We believe”, and that they will not be tested? – [Quran 29:2]
One should not think or feel that he is the only unique person going through such times or that Allah(swt) is displeased with him. Every single person faces difficulties to the best of their capacity. Surely Allah is not unjust and does not over burden a soul:
On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear – [Quran 2:286]
This world is an abode for tests and one should not deny or avoid these but should face them and pass them successfully. A person can be put into hardships for a number of reasons and we might not know those reasons when undergoing a certain loss but what we must do is always remember Allah(swt), be patient, abstain from what is unlawful, give charity and ask Him to help ease out our hard times. If we do fail to do this then we should turn to Allah(swt) and ask for forgiveness. Allah(swt) is Most Merciful and InshaAllah He will forgive us for the wrong that we do.
1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. Be humble.
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on.
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).
by Fawad J Kiyani
by Emmy Soekresno on Monday, 24 August 2009 at 15:30
Shoum merupakan ibadah ritual yang berhubungan erat dengan proses pembinaan ruhiyah, aqliyah dan jasadiyah. Di dalam ibadah ini anak akan diajak untuk mengenal semakin dalam makna sebenarnya dari bentuk keikhlasan di hadapan Allah SWT . Merasakan kehadiranNya walaupun tidak diketahui wujudNya, yaitu dengan mentaati apa yang telah diperintahkanNya.
Anak tidak hanya belajar menahan diri saja tapi ia juga dilatih untuk selalu bersikap sabar dan tabah. Kebanyakan ulama sepakat bahwa anak tidak diwajibkan melaksanakan shoum sampai usia baligh. Tapi para ulama tersebut menjadikannya sebagai amalan yang sangat dianjurkan.
Mari kita perhatikan bagaimana para sahabat di zaman Rasulullah SAW menjadikan ibadah shoum bukanlah sesuatu yang memberatkan bagi anak-anak. Mereka memberikan kepada anak-anaknya alat untuk bermain sebagai bentuk hiburan ditengah payahnya mereka melaksanakan shoum.
Sebuah hadits riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim tentang melatih shoum untuk anak-anak : “ ….. maka kamipun berpuasa dan juga memerintahkan anak-anak kami untuk turut melakukannya. Kemudian kami mengajak anak-anak itu ke mesjid dan memberinya sebuah permainan yang terbuat dari bulu/tanah, agar mereka terhibur dan tidak memikirkan puasanya. Dan apabila salah satu diantara mereka menangis karena merasakan lapar, kami memberinya permainan itu hingga waktu berbuka”.
Jadi tidak ada salahnya kalau dari dini kita sudah membiasakan anak-anak berpuasa. Sudah barang tentu sesuai dengan kemampuannya. Asy-Syahid Sayyid Qutb menegaskan bahwa puasa merupakan persiapan membiasakan jiwa untuk memikul rintangan perjalanan hidup, memantapkan aqidah yang kokoh dan teguh dan sarana mulia untuk menghubungkan manusia dengan Allah berupa kepatuhan dan ketaatan.
by Emmy Soekresno on Monday, 24 August 2009 at 15:46
1. Perhatikan bahwa latihan shoum ini tidak mengabaikan fakta bahwa kebutuhan akan gizi dan tidur bagi anak balita sangatlah tinggi.
2. Pahamilah bahwa kegiatan ini adalah sebuah pelatihan, pengkondisian, pembiasaan dan penyiapan anak agar akrab dengan aktivitas ibadah, bukan sesuatu yang final. Sehingga kebijaksanaannya juga harus fleksibel sesuai dengan kondisi umur fisik dan keadaan psikologis anak.
3. Sebaliknya walaupun kegiatan ini hanya tingkat pelatihan namun hendaknya dilaksanakan sungguh-sungguh. Sehingga anak mengerti sejak dini untuk bersungguh-sungguh dalam melaksanakan sesuatu.
4. Prioritaskan kegiatan pelatihan ini daripada kegiatan lain. Temani anak sehingga mereka tahu bahwa orangtuanya juga terlibat dan terikat dalam berpuasa.
by Emmy Soekresno on Monday, 24 August 2009 at 16:12
Tahun pertama kehidupan seorang anak dapat dijadikan titik tolak melatih anak amaliyah ramadhan, yaitu dengan SAFARI IFTHOR. Yaitu anak di ajak keliling mesjid, rumah teman atau tetangga atau kerabat untuk merasakan energi positif kaum mukminin saat berbuka puasa. Ia akan merasakan kebahagiaan itu.
Tahun kedua kehidupannya ajarkan dia makan sahur. Setelah kedua orangtuanya makan sahur, bangunkan anak setengah jam sebelum imsak. Lalu suapi dia dengan makanan yang gampang dimakan seperti aneka nasi goreng. Misalnya nas gor telor, nas gor ayam, nas gor lain-lain.
Nah tahun ketiga kehidupannya anak dapat mulai merasakan kegiatan puasa itu sendiri. Dia diberitahu bahwa puasa adalah sampai Maghrib, tapi jika ia tak kuat bisa sampai Dhuha atau Zuhur. Dan tidak perlu puasa lagi setelah buka, karena akan merusak konsep utamanya yaitu tidak makan dan minum selama berpuasa. Jadi kalau udah makan dan minum udah batal karena dia masih lemah.
Tahun ke empat adalah dimulainya puasa yang sesungguhnya yaitu dari imsak sampai Maghrib. Tentunya persiapkan segala kegiatan, rayuan, VCD pilihan sangat membantu. Tapi anda harus konsisten, apapun yang terjadi anda hibur dia untuk tidak berbuka.
Tipsnya : Saya tidak setuju jika hadiahnya adalah uang karena uang bikin anak matre. Jadi saya ganti jadi kegiatan seni membuat sesuatu yang menyenangkan dan bermanfaat atau kegiatan keluar rumah yang juga ia sukai.
Wallohu a’alam bish showwab